THE BULLSHITTER

In light of yesterday's post about the new blockbuster of the century "Snakes on a Plane", I tossed and turned last night trying to imagine how ON EARTH all those damn snakes were able to get on board that aircraft in the first place.  I mean, it's quite the quandry if you ask this guy......and believe me, I would ask THIS guy, because he is just overflowing with useless knowledge on topics just like this-a-juan...........here we go.....

HOW (AND WHY?) YOU CAN SMUGGLE A SHITLOAD OF SNAKES ONTO AN AIRCRAFT:

*Disclaimer: This is expert shit, so only try this at home.

Ten ways to smuggles snakes on board: Assuming that you are not dead already from gathering....oh we'll just say one male and one female of the top 10 deadliest snake species......you have the following 10 top options in getting them on board.....

1.  Sit down and negotiate with the largest two snakes and have them swallow all of the other snakes (for convenient relocation) and SOMEHOW crawl up into the wheel-well of the aircraft and then purge the cargo.  Hopefully the snakes are compliant and willing to try anything once....

2.  Fly overhead in your helicopter (if you don't own, rent) and when the 747 is parked at the jetway, drop the snakes one at a time through the sun-roof of the jet.........because we all know that 747's come standard with sun-roof, satellite radio, douche-bags in first class, and a 15,000 mile drive train warranty....

3.  Dress them up as a human-resemblent figure (for security purposes) and when then stealthily stick them (yes, all 20) in the pilot's back pocket as he goes to get on board.  (It's not gay if it's your pilot)...

4.  Tie them together to make a 100 foot (and awkward to lasso) rope and rope the landing gear of the plane as it ascends......then the rope shall climb it's way into the wheel well and continue on with the plan.

5.  Send a few on board with each terrorist......it really doesn't even matter if they bite him, because the snakes will undoubtedly make a clean escape onto the plane even if the terrorist collapses in a venemous shock.  Everyone will just assume the terrorist was carrying a nerve toxin on board and didn't realize he was suppose to put it in the drinks and accidently drank it himself (in the name of allah....of course).

6.  Have a runway snakeball fight and "accidently" start throwing them into the luggage compartment.

7.  Find a flight that serves spaghetti for their next meal, and replace the noodles with snakes.  Nobody will know, and even if somebody realizes "holy shit, those are some really big god damn noodles!", the noodles will have already bitten and eaten that all-too-observant plan foiler!

8.  Instead of putting a copy of Sky Magazine, or whatever other useless piece of crap air reading material they put on the plane, replace it with a deadly snake that everyone can read and enjoy.....

9.  Create and entertaining "Snake Parade" that at first seems friendly and cute.(.....but they AREN'T friendly and cute are they?!?!)  Then march them through the plane so they can entertain the simple planespeople ("entertain" = "bite the holy hell out of and possibly eat").

10. Have it start raining snakes while the pilots have their windows rolled down.

There you go......give it a whirl.

The Bullshitter = Funniness