THE BULLSHITTER

I can't believe what the fuck I am seeing on TV previews these days for scary movies. It looks like they finally stopped running images and noises through a blender to add for the ever-so-spooky distortion=hell effect, and finally just went to snakes......on a plane. SNAKES ON A PLANE?!!! Are you fisting me? Apparently they just stopped trying to create morphed and morbid ideas and went strictly with "We're going to take a phobia of some sort....and put it on a......plane......?". I took zero time (i.e. time stopped when I did this because it was so fucking easy) to come up with 5 sequals that will be coming to a theater and wallet near you.

1. Snakes on a rollercoaster without seat belts.
2. Snakes in a cement plant. (oh the horror!)
3. Snakes inside of snakes on a plane.
4. Snakes in every toilet bowl.
5. Snakes with wings......and......feelings (oh the humanity!)

It will be nice, because you can basically use all of the actors......and CGI snakes for that matter to make every one of these movies. Why don't we just cut out the actors all together and make something like "Donkey's with fangs, and detachable jaws.........and ears!!!".
I heard at one point in time they were trying to change the name to something a little more catchy.......and a little less plot revealing I suppose, but Samuel L. Jackson said he wouldn't do it if they changed the name. But really, what name could you change it to instead of what you've already got? Here's some options for that too.....

1. And I was worried about terrorists.
2. Who brought all of these fucking snakes on board? What the hell? Not cool.
3. 1st class and the snake in the grass (which sounds far too similar to "splish splash I was takin' a bath" but I left it anyways)
4. Our in-flight meal today is DEATH!!
5. Time to jump.

This plane no doubt is going to end up in a corkscrew nose-dive into the ground.....just like Samuel L. Jackson's career after making it.........

Love,

The Bullshitter