THE BULLSHITTER

I would like to post a note that I wrote to the student paper after a tragic accident which occured on campus.....and i was responsible.  The following is the exact article as posted in the paper, with my sincere apology to the students who witnessed this horrifying display of carelessness....

Dear students, faculty, and staff,

I've never felt so undoubtedly guilty and responsible as I do today.  I've committed a sin worse than adultery,  and more inexcusable than sodomy.  It was 12:43 on Thursday afternoon and I was on my way to my 1:00 class HISTORY 9000 - "Being a trend-setter", when the unexplainable happened.  I was cruising along on my 1992 firetruck red 50 c.c. moped, and was listening to the spongebob soundtrack as I cruised up to a stop light.  The sun was dancing off of my speedster, and it was a glorious day all around.  My girlfriend Mildred had just told me she was making mashed potato caserole sandwhich pizza for dinner, which is my favorite, so everything was going my way.

I was coming to the busiest intersection in town, and I wanted to look good as I scooted past.  I had good posture, and my red leather pants sparkled in the sun......I looked good, and i mean REAL GOOD.  I down shifted to approach the on-coming corner.  I made it past the corner and immediately gunned the "ped".  That's when my fate was sealed.  You see, my moped accelerated in such a stunning fashion that I had no time to react to the swiftest of all woodland creatures attempting to cross the street.  Yes, this little squirrel, who I named "Tuffy" in his honor, was simply trying to get to the other side of the street......maybe to follow his poultry-friend's footsteps, who found their crossing place so very long ago.  Tuffy didn't make it.  Tuffy found out what it's like to be punished by a speedy front tire of my rugged moped.  Tuffy didn't even have a chance. 

Tuffy liked to frolick, as if to say.......what are you going to do?  Run me over?  Unfortunately, "run him over" I did, in front of 50 horrified college freshmen.  I didn't know what to do, so I shamefully sped off, and later burned my moped, which I named "Mopey" afterwards because he felt so sad and guilty for what he had done.....he made me burn him because he couldn't go on any longer.  Tuffy now lies as a squirrel pancake, in the middle of the street, with an unproper burial.  It's sad, but Tuffy never complained about the cards he was dealt, and usually had to bluff.

R.I.P my little furry varmint.  You won't be soon forgo......

Sincerely,

The Bullshitter the cold blooded killer  >>>>>>>> SHIRTS!!!!!!!!