THE BULLSHITTER

Thus far in our journey, we have traversed the Andes.......sailed 6 of the 7 seas, and eaten a stack of tasty cakes that would make the pillsbury dough boy blush.  The last time we talked, Steven had dumped Stephanie for Tracy, but Tracy used to be Troy (unknowingly to Steven).  Terry stole Jessie's bike and sold it to Javier (ironic?), but Jeff decided that he wasn't cool with that, and he was all "Dude, NOT cool!", and Javier was like "But i'm just trying to make a buck", and right as they were arguing, Superman flew in and stole little Dominique's lollypop.....and the journey continues forward..........

FUCK THAT!  I forwardly and openly apologize to all of you that had the sole purpose of catching up on that tragic drama, and if you did....I pity you.  We were actually talking about something WAY cooler than that.....which is ME and my battle with a galactic Christmas vacation! 

So I wake up Christmas day, hung OVER!  The very first thing I got to do was ENJOY THE BEAUTIFUL DAY.....if ENJOY = "Listen to", THE = "my", BEAUTIFUL = "girlfriend", and DAY = "bitch at me".  So I sat and pleaded with her to not dump my sorry ass because "I want to be with you forever, you're the love of my life" and "no, I hate hanging out with my buddies" and "No, they don't think you're uptight, they're just ignorant".....and all that other yadda yadda yadda bullshit that we have to tell you so you stop analyzing every nook and cranny of our relationship.  Don't get me wrong, we mean it, but jesus h. christ you ladies have a knack for being ridiculous for unneccessary reasons.  Just chill out, everything will be fine if it has been fine. FUCK ME! MOVING ON

I FINALLY get off the phone, and the first thing I get to do is drive to the neighbors showerless, shaveless and breakfastless and have a Tom and Jerry.  This is the absolute OPPOSITE of anything that I actually wanted to do.  But it turns out our neighbors have no friends and no lives, so we feel bad for them and humor them by drinking their booze and laughing at their jokes that they've been rehearsing all year.  SOOOOO, I get back home an hour or so later and take a nap that was AMAZING.  Two hours of sleep, a glass of water, and some Tylenol later, I'm almost back to tip top condition.  I take a shower, and relatives start showing up again.  See, my mom decided it was a good idea to hold ALL festivities at our house this year.....which actually turned out pretty good for me, because I don't think I could've came to them but they came to me, so party on Wayne!

We ended up playing poker and drinking again....which was my Everest at this point because my liver was already denying me.  I had to punch through, reach for that extra 90% of potential and drink past the hangover I already had.  Sew, then I got "a little tipsy" as some small female in her 50's would say, and went to bed.  Of course I couldn't go peacefully and had to argue with my girlfriend for another hour over absolutely nothing, but hey, what would a relationship be without that silly crap?  She was flying up the next day to hang out with me and my fam, so we had to pretend to get along till she got there.  Ok, i'm tired, and need some food......

The Bullshitter~

Hee Haw Gifts