THE BULLSHITTER

So Christmas has subsided.  Whoopie doo.  I got some shit, gave some shit, and then pretty much gave A shit the rest of the time.  I guess I also took a shit here and there, but that's a fairly consistent variable during the 7 day binge I call "the Holidays".  I had some rather interesting run-ins with some rather not-interesting people.  The next few blogs will be my holiday saga, which I will break into three or four parts because they will be so jam-packed with cool shit......Part 1...

I left town and headed for home on thursday the 22nd.  For some reason, a few of us decided that it was a good idea to go out and get wrecked for our last night in town.......and not eat dinner..... a combination which has been known to deliver some of the worst headaches this side of the Mississippi.  This theory held true, and I don't know why I continue to disprove this fact of life......i'm what some would call...."stupid".  So I then get to pack all of my gear and hit the road for my home state up north.  This is normally an 8 hour drive for me, but luckily for me and everyone else on the road, I was super-hero hungover and the first 2 hours were a blur.

Traveling on 4 bald tires, 3 hours of sleep, 2 McDonalds double cheeseburgers, and a partridge in a pear tree.....I make it to my sister's house which is still roughly 2 hours from home.  She feeds me a meal of Fried yard bird (chicken), beer, and tylenol.  I proceed to trade small-talk stories about how cool I am, and then head home.  I decided it would only make sense to buy a 6 pack for the road, but I promised myself I wouldn't touch it until I was only 1 hour out, because i'm not a promoter of drinking and driving.  Needless to say, I still broke that promise, because I didn't want to drink 6 beers in an hour.  I get home and there are lights and decor in the front yard.  My mom bought those corny yard-deer ornament things that are lit up and move around.  I decided that it would be funny to reallign the animals so one was mounting the other one.....and to make it that much better, the one on the bottom was shaking his head from side to side and the one on top was nodding his head.  This gave me about 2 minutes of laughing with myself in the front yard and smiling at how gosh darn clever I was.

I go inside and make my way up to the frigid room I call home for a week.  Our house is like 247 years old, so wind blows through basically at will, and it keeps the house at a balmy 23 degrees.  Luckily my body gets exhausted from shivering and I pass out.

END OF DAY 1

The Bullshitter