THE BULLSHITTER

As I sit here today, I recall an issue that strikes close to home with me regarding the elderly and their stubborn insistence on not retiring until their heads fall off.  The reason this hits close to home is because my two immediate bosses have a combined age of 136.  As you may imagine this poses quite a few interesting problems......some which really piss me off.....and others......which are really fun.....a like so...

My immediate boss is 66 years old.  He replaced my former boss, who is 27.  As you would imagine, this was a BIT OF A TRANSITION for little old me, to say the least.  Then, to make things super lots better, my other boss who is 45, was replaced by my current other boss whom is 70.....and that is if "super" = "fucking", and "lots better" = "wicked horrible".  I was on a pretty good industrial learning curve for quite a while with my other bosses.  I had been here for 2 years, and they knew where I needed to be.  But out of nowhere, like King Kong's winkie falling on Jane...."WHAM!!!" they both left and were replaced by men from the mesozoic era (i.e. 65-248 million years ago....so yeah, pretty fuckin' old).  I went through 3 periods of emotional adjustment to this transition.....and i'll explain.

Transition #1:  "Hey, these guys have GOT to know a lot since they've been around FOREVER!!!"

This initial thought was probably true at one time.  But these guys are at the point in their lives where they have actually forgotten more than I will ever know.....so if I ask a question that isn't basic experience related, I get grumbles or bullshit answers.....which is pretty much what I do to everyone else.....until I gain more knowledge.  So this I realize is about as helpful as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. 

Transition #2:  "These guys are so fucking old that they could give half of a shit about most anything besides waking up the next morning on top of the ground"

This thought spawned from the above analysis of my new geriatric, raisin-skinned grumble-kings.  I realize i'm not going to learn shit because they have trouble remembering their own names so I get to introduce myself 14 times a day.  These are the type that get to hide their own easter eggs and wrap their own christmas presents.  The fun part is, that these guys WERE ALREADY RETIRED, and the less-than impressive company I work for brought them out of retirement to take the reins.  So even though it is this company's fault, I still think retirement should involve wearing a shock-collar that doesn't allow you to leave florida.

Transition #3:  "Wait, you don't remember ME, which means you probably don't remember MUCH!  Right?  This will be fun..." 

The fun thing about not remembering, is that you don't even realize how much time goes by.........i.e. you don't know how long i'm actually gone if I leave.......i.e. if I leave for lunch, you don't know it.........i.e. I take 2 hour lunches.........i.e.  I leave for hours at a time and you don't know it.  I think you're smellin' what i'm steppin' in here.  My boss (the young(?) one) thought I had worked a full week and I didn't show up at all.  I didn't step that far though.....and had to inform him that I hadn't worked, and he still didn't believe me for about an hour or two.

So I guess you could say i'm not learning shit......and i'm getting paid for it......which is probably really going to come back to haunt me professionally and technically.  However, thanks to my instinctive survival tactics.....I have taken full-advantage of the situation at hand, and will bask in it's abusive sunlight for 5 more months.  BOOYAH!!!

Ho ho ho,

Bullshitterclause

Don't forget to buy a christmas present from me for this year......or stock up for next year before inflation goes up!!!

HEE-HAW CHRISTMAS GIFTS