THE BULLSHITTER

I don't have any certain subject toiling around in my underachieving skull today, so let's talk about nothing and see how that works out........................

I absolutely love sour stuff.  I am a sour-stuff addict.  I mean, if I have something sour, I can't eat just one......I have to eat the entire bag.  This poses a real dilema for me because after I choose to do this, it proves to be a little rough on the old tongue.  In fact, it is fairly normal for a layer of my tongue to fall off after a freak run-in with a bag of sour-patch kids.  A fact that i'm totally willing to accept since it only takes the tongue like 3 days to replace tissue.  More about food....I was really hungry yesterday, but only had stuff for l peanut butter sandwhiches....and that wasn't going to completely do the trick.  So I decided that I was going to eat an entire bag of frozen peas to calm my hunger.  I now know why horse crap smells like it does...

I had one of those days where you just want to be a smartass all day....which doesn't stray too far from a normal day for me.....but I was hungover so it was inflated a bit.  I think my tech. writing teacher hates me now, but it's probably just because i'm funnier than her and people get really competitive when they're trying to be cool.  I mean, just look at yourselves.  So I drew a big penis on the table to show everyone how mature I was, and then started laughing so hard at a peer's reaction that I had tears in my eyes and had to leave the room.  However, I was in my tech writing class, and realized I now have an arch nemesis in this class.  Not really a nemesis I guess, but just somebody that I want to punch in the face everytime he says anything....and the reason I want to punch him in the face everytime he talks.....is because he talks all of the time.  He's a bald irritating little man, and I've decided that he needs to be punched.  Isn't that pretty much what a nemesis is?

I made up a couple of words over the weekend, purely on accident.  I've decided that "loagie" is a term used to describe how I feel when I am hungover and not able to move very swift or be motivated at all.  I think my father uses this term, and that's why I say it and get laughed at for being stupid....love ya dad.  I actually didn't make up the next one, I just checked....and "underwhelming" DOES exist.  Dammit, I felt like a vocab pioneer for a second....but this time it was a word that could be used AND made sense.  Apparently my vocabulary is underwhelming to some.....

I guess I slapped my girlfriend in the face in my sleep last night.  Not like a "get your ass back in the kitchen" slap (i'm probably the only one laughing at that joke...HA HA), but I rolled over and sprawled out and my hand ended up finding it's home on her face.  I asked her if she deserved it and she said no......so I felt bad, but she's lying...... But really, spousal abuse isn't funny..........unless she doesn't get her ass back in the kitchen....(probably going to hell for that, but really, it's where all the fun people are going to be anyways).  But really, I haven't punched a girl in like a week, so don't freak out.  Alright, that joke's done. 

I just thought i'd remind any of you that think i'm a giant asshole......well, first of all, you're right.  I thrive on this type of thing.  Second, I want you to remember that Karma and Dharma are a bitch, and i'll probably come back as a slow moving insect of some kind (like a dung beetle, or maybe a praying mantis....because the females eat the males after "doing it" and that would probably be a just punishment for my previous degrading comments), and you will come back as the rich spoiled kid who gets his/her jollies over burning me with a magnifying glass.  So i'm going to go ahead and throw the old "fuck you" in your direction ahead of time, because that shit is really going to hurt man.  I wonder what i'll taste like.  I've seen what I eat, and i've seen what it looks like when it comes out.....and I know that there is a little bit of both of those in me at any given time.  So good luck getting that taste out of your mouth.

I think i've wasted enough time at work now,

I'm going to go cause a ruckus,

Fair thee well,

Sir Elegante` le Bullshittier

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