THE BULLSHITTER

How much fun did we all have when we were younger during halloween?  I mean, tricker-treating just flat-out kicked ass.....and the cavities were well worth it in my mind.  There was a phase however, in high school, when dressing up was no longer cool.  But then college happened and we realized what a bunch of prudes we were in highschool.  Because when you're in college, halloween is great because guys be as creative as possible, and girls dress up as slutty as possible.................

If you are a guy, you need to realize it's ok to look at slutty dressed women on halloween.  I mean, I can go out to the bars, dressed up as comfortably as possible, while in the mean-time every girl in the city is wearing as little clothing as possible.  How great!  The only thing that could make it better is if the drinks were free and I could sit on my couch....and maybe if the slutty girls were playing football?  I love this competition women have going too.  It's almost as if it's a competition to see who can achive what I like to call "wearing close to nothingness" as possible.  What's even MORE funny is that where I live has not the warmest weather during this time of year......and if you don't catch where I'm going with this one.....well, if you aren't careful you might lose an eye.  Have you ever had an eye poked out by a rock-hard nipple?  Well me neither, which is the main reason why i've never smiled and cried and bled at the same time.

The NEXT great thing about this is that you automatically alleviate any "bigger" girls that wear clothes that they aren't suppose to....or at least cut down on them.  Because these girls usually wear things they aren't suppose to be wearing when all the hot girls are wearing normal clothes.  However, they know better than to go out and compete with the creme of the proverbial slutty crop.  Don't get me wrong, some brave ones like to wrestle with the Alligators and put caution to the wind......but they usually end up going home crying to a bucket of chocolate icecream.......or end up going home with my roommate, who sleeps with anything that has 2 legs and a heartbeat.......which is beyond the scope of this discussion.

NOTE:  It's not that I hate fat people.......I despise fat people!  I know, obesity is a disease....well in that case, so is stupidity.  So set down the fucking chocolate bar and back away from the scene of the crime.  Everytime I see a fat person running, or attempting to run, I want to roll down my window and cheer for them, and I advise you to do the same.  If we don't stop magically turning into a nation of fat-asses, we are going to sink the whole goddamn continent.  I mean, just look what happened to New Orleans????  How do you think IT ended up below sea level????  Think about it... (and no it's not because of the mass amounts of audulterers that flock to that area........or because the city was built on a soft river delta)

MORE NOTE:....and while we're on the subject.....screw all of you anorexic people too.  Do you really think I want to "throw one in" a skin-sack of bones?  HELL NO.  Eat a cheeseburger, and don't throw it up when I turn my back on you.  Why is being healthy such a challenge?  People need to really care less about what the hell everyone thinks about them.......(besides celebrities.  They should watch their every move because they deserve a complex for being such naive ego-maniacs.  I love watching them squirm, and I REALLY love when they screw up in public.....and remember, we're always watching, so be afraid).  So in conclusion.....stop throwing up your food, you were a thousand times more attractive being plus 10 pounds than being minus 20, you idiot.  Boys won't like you, your hair will fall out, you will pass out from walking up stairs, your stomach acid will erode the enamel off of your teeth......and if you keep it up kittens and puppies will dissappear forever, so if anything, please be respectful to the kittens and puppies.

So like I said before, halloween is a time for men to be brilliantly dressed, and for women to brilliantly undress.  I would like to send out a personal token of my appreciation to the women who indulge in this selfless act of humanity.  I love every one of you.....except the loud obnoxious one.....will somebody get her a beer or a lollipop so she will shut the hell up....good lord....nobody needs to be that annoying.  I mean you're definitely hot....but gosh damn you're dumb....maybe I can tune you out so it doesn't ruin the hotness.  Nope, get out of my bar you gold-digging hooker...... 

Women like that are WAY too deceiving.  Why did god have to make incredibly hot females with absolutely no presence of intelligence or personality.  This is a life-wrecker for a lot of dudes out there.  I have to admit though....i've been there.  It sucks too, because you know you need to dump their asses, but when they're not there all you can do is think about how badly you want to have sex with them.  This is the greatest deception of all-time......like better than Houdini.  Trust me, when I realized this.....I was like "Houdini who?", because his act doesn't even compare.  But for all of you trophy-wife suckers, you need to NOT think about how incredibly attractive these spawns of satan are....and remember how much you wanted to punch her in the ovaries whenever she opened her gaping senseless mouth......

Amen~

Halloween kicks ass!

The Bullshitter 

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HEE-HAW GIFTS