THE BULLSHITTER

So i've gotten WAY too sidetracked lately, and am getting secretly hated upon my all of my faithful viewers.  Well here's some completely random asinine stuff that will make your day go by about 1.028 times faster than it's going right now.....

I've decided to once again set the bar dangerously high in the "useless shit that will occupy your time for 10 minutes today" category.  I figure that most of you are sitting there reading this because you can't actually get out and do what you want to do.  You are getting pretty pissed off at that annoying _________ (bitch/asshole) in the next cubicle over.  So here's something fun for you.  Remember all of those "fill in the blanks with random words" story thingies we've all done....well I think i'll make one right now.

Rules: 

1) Be as fowl as possible.

2) Be as random and bizarre as possible.

3) Let fits of rage, bitterness, stress, and truth all come together in a beautiful harmony to make up one big beautiful story about how you feel and how your day is going.

4) Fill in the blanks below as you desire.  I was going to leave suggested diction, but I really don't care what you do, so I didn't bother....so it's an open playing field.  You can put more than one word in the blank, and can pretty make up anything or any rule you'd like.

5) Send them to me.  I'd love to read them if you've got time, and i'll even post them on here if they're amazingly funny.  So make me proud you little cubical monkeys, and get to work!

6) The winner will get the prize title of "Hero of the day".  Good luck, and god speed.

STORY BEGINS NOW:

     I woke up this morning feeling extremely ______________ .  My alarm was going off, and I couldn't find the snooze so I hit it with my ________________ and it ended up in ______________ .  ______________ called and I realized that I had _________________ with him and forgot to _______________ .  He was pretty pissed off and said "______________   ______________  you ________________  ______________ demon!".  This caught me off guard and I ______________  ______________  ______________  _____________  _______________ but didn't know why ________________  ________________  ________________  _______________ .  So the questions were still lurking in my _________________  head.  My aunt Beatrice had warned me many times about _______________ , but I always thought she was full of _________________.  But nope, it was finally happening.  As soon as I opened the __________________ , I could see the ___________________ , and knew __________________ had finally ____________________.  I wanted to call my ___________________ but I was unsure of how she would _____________________ , so I abstained and began to ___________________ to pass the time.  Where were my _____________ , and how was I going to _______________________ ?  I had no ________________ and there was no way I was going to _____________________________ .  I was down to my last ________________ , and was two _______________ away from ______________________ , and NOBODY wants to do that!!!!  So I did it, I _____________ to __________________ and did what any _________________ would do, I went and bought another ___________________ and gave it to the _____________ so they could catch their ___________________ and get back to __________________ .   My day was now ___________________ , and I no longer had to deal with the thought of _____________________ .  I hope I never have to _________________ again.

HERE'S MINE>>>>>>>>>>>>

I woke up this morning feeling extremely hot and bothered .  My alarm was going off and I couldn't find the snooze so I hit it with my unibrow and it ended up in my girlfriend's ass.  Tommy Lee Jones called and I realized that I had thrown up with him and forgot to put it in the fridge.  He was pretty pissed off and said "Eat week-old biscuits you apple hurling demon!".  This caught me off guard and I played the air guitar with a traveling church band for three weeks but didn't know why they stunk like the carcass of a unicorn's uncle.  So the questions were still lurking in my 15 year drive-train warranty's head.  My aunt Beatrice had warned me many times about the wrath of sour mayo , but I always thought she was full of Hickory Bacon.  But nope, it was finally happening.  As soon as I opened the pajama cupboard, I could see the shark's feet, and knew grandpa Charley had finally learned how to jive.  I wanted to call my -self a a pirate but I was unsure of how she would shiver-me-timbers, so I abstained and began to hover to pass the time.  Where were my split ends and how was I going to become a Jedi Hooligan?  I had no toupee and there was no way I was going to give hummers for three pesos.  I was down to my last backflip, and was two shakes away from solitude, and NOBODY wants to do that!!!!  So I did it, I screamed to happy land and did what any mormon hooker would do; I went and bought another stealth rocket condom and gave it to the neighbors so they could catch their llama and get back to praying for sanity.  My day was now yesterday, and I no longer had to deal with the thought of cannibalism.  I hope I never have to punch the elderly again.