THE BULLSHITTER

Hello my name is "The Bullshitter", and i'm an alcoholic.  Well, we know that alcoholics go to meetings, and I don't go to meetings, so that just makes me a drunk I guess.......

Everything on me hurts today, especially my liver.  I ended up getting talked into going and having a bloody mary yesterday morning by my friend, and my used to be/may be again/maybe not/ex girlfriend/sleepover buddy.....yeah.  And believe you me, i'm a hard egg to crack when it comes to peer pressure.  Sort of like .....PEER: "Hey, let's go have a drink on sunday"....ME: "Okey Doke".  So shoeless, showerless and contactless, we head to our favorite sportsbar......it's my favorite, because it's basically free because we're sort of a big deal around here. 

So with one bloody mary down, I have the sobering (ironicly enough) realization that I can't fucking stand bloody mary's.  Why does this always happen?  Who decided this was a good idea?  Mr. Tomato Man?  I hate that bastard.....and I hate bloody mary's.  Who decided that the traditional red beer wasn't good enough, and thought to add a shit ton of spice.....and a garden to the mix?  It's not that I don't like tomato juice, but I had a vile red beer experience once upon a time, and it had me calling for dinasaurs for like 3 hours.

So I made the executive decision to switch drinks...and it went down a little something like this.... *gulp* gulp* *final gulp*  "Uggggggggghhhhhhhh.........that was horrible, I'm not drinking another one of those red pieces of shit".  And so it was, on to greener pastures with the Seven and Seven.  This lovely little cocktail gives me a little bit of a hard-on just from talking about it......and that's how I feel about the Seven and Seven.  The thing I really love about it, is that you can mix it as strong as you want, and it doesn't make you gag....which is ultimately what I aim for in a cocktail.  So at this point, we all realize that before, alcohol was just a remedy, but now it's full on drunken chaos.  This has a tendency to happen to me, and i'm not sure why.  How is it possible to turn a day of rest, religion, and recovery, into the biggest party of the week?  This is a bad trend, and I need to find a hobby....or at least a cheaper hobby.

My parents start to worry, because at one point in time, my father called me and I told him the same story 5 times in a row, which I guess isn't too bad if it was a really great story.....but it wasn't, it was about a fucking shirt.  My only running excuse at this time, is that it's football season AND my last year of college.....so I guess through the Theorem of "I told you so", it's ok to get blitzed 3-4 days a week?  I wish my liver would just hurry up and fail and get it over with......

I think I really started my bad booze habits INITIALLY, because cancer runs rampid in my family, so I figured why not go out with a bang and let liver failure and cancer race to the finish line?  Then I was expecting to go bald by now because my mom's dad (or maybe it was my grandpa.....i'm not sure) was as bald as a cue ball, so I thought i'd try to drink that thought away.....which clearly didn't work, because I was a pile of shit yesterday and i'm sitting here talking about it right now.  But then I realized that drinking was really fun, and that I was REALLY good at it.....and it makes ya feel funny....ha ha.  Even though i pretty much feel funny all day long as it is.....mainly because i'm a jokester and like to make fun of everything and mess with people's feelers.

I still have the chills, and the only thing I could keep down was a plate of nachos, and a bowl of Creamy Potato soup from Subway.  Which you're right, is quite a bit of food.....I mean why could I keep down all the nachos, but not the sandwhich which is self proclaimed "fresh".  Blow me fresh, you've done nothing but make me taste your freshness twice....and it was actually better coming up because it was covered in Nachos.....(mmmmmm Nachos).  I should've just eaten a bowl of melted cheese.....

The only thing that made my day better was that I found five dollars in Subway, and it became legally mine through the beauty of Finders Keepers Theorem. (I realize today's blog is full of mathematical proofs...)

This blog is going nowhere.....I just wanted to hear myself talk I think......or see...myself....type?  On the plus side, I think i've decided that in order to quit my evil ways, i'm going to just have to get married and throw in the towel.  So, i'm going to get married soon.......now all I need is a wife......

Stay Classy, and feel free to leave me comments.....or hate mail.  Whatever blows your hair back.  I think I might just start an entry specifically for Q & A, because I know people are dying to hear the wisdom I contain.  Yeah, I think i'm going to do this right now.......peace.

The Bulshitter