THE BULLSHITTER

I along with the rest of the nation, am beginning to feel the pinch of higher gas prices.  It pisses me off because some part of my budget is going to suffer....and I think the "ridiculous expenditure" sector is really going to take a hit....

Gas prices have now reached a lofty $3.00.....and if you're unaware....this really sucks.  I don't know what's going to happen, but I have a feeling i'm going to actually start being "smart with money", which is a new concept for me.  Instead of spending endless amounts of money on top shelf hookers, i'm probably going to have to stick with the bad side of town in order to cut back on my "hooker budget".  I'd like to have a moment of silence for all of you who are downsizing YOUR hooker department................................Thank you.

I've also decided to have a budget meeting with the food committee, and the social committee.  It turns out that I have been spending a greedy $15 a week on food, and a meager $3587.37 a week on my social life.  So there's an OBVIOUS fix here........If I just eat half as often as before, I could save a whole $7.50!!!!  I mean, I could do that, and probably shower half as often, and save who knows how much on the water bill.  Maybe i'll just go rob a couple of nunns to make up for any other costs that are unaccounted for.....we'll see, and i'll keep you updated. 

Regardless a lot of things are being affected, and i'd like to mention some of them.  I know everyone is having similar difficulties, so maybe I can be helpful in assisting you pad your budget a little bit.  Since gas prices have risen, I've done the following.....

1.  I've started flagging down bicyclers in the mornings on my way to class, and seeing if I can cut a deal with them for a handlebar ride to class.  My offer "I get to ride on the handlebars, and you can have a night with my next door neighbor's girlfriend". 

2.  I've begun eating paint chips off of my house and grass off of my lawn.  I figure, the less lawn there is, the less water it will need on it.  As far as to why i'm eating paint chips, well, if you've read my blog before, you know that i've probably been doing this for awhile.

3.  I have downgraded from Keystone light, back to Camo Ice.  The main difference would be Keystone usally backs a punch of about 3.8% alcohol, and Camo ranges into the 8.5-9.2% alcohol range.  Also, a 40 oz Camo usually only costs about $2.25 and has the equivalent alcohol content of 8-9 beers.....gotta save somehow.

4.  I've started crapping on my neighbors lawn.  You are probably wondering how this could possibly save any money....and you're right, it doesn't save any money, but it makes me laugh.  Moving right along.

5.  I quit wearing underwear and have went back to the loin cloth.  This shouldn't prove to be too much of a problem until winter rolls around.  It's alright though, ever since we invented fire... and jacuzzis, this problem has been an easy fix. 

6.  I've started meditating frequently in order to occupy some of my spare time.  I've found that if I don't meditate I usually just wind up masterb....wait, that came out all wrong.....er?  I usually end up speaking complete jibberish nonsense to people I don't even know.......and they charge me...........for that.

6.  I've entirely given up using any numbers beyond the number 6.  It's just not feasable, and I think it will pay off in the long run.

So as you can CLEARLY see, high gas prices are responsible for a lot of cruel things in this world.  So hopefully we can start drilling in Alaska and make the cruelty stop immediately.  Or maybe we can just order a bunch of elephants from Africa to ride around.  That would just be neat.

Have a great whatever,

The Bullshitter~