THE BULLSHITTER

Today I'm going to talk about the choice of pregnant single mothers of ages 15 and under, and their choice to have abortions......

WHOA!!!!!!  TAKE IT EASY!!!!  Before you begin throwing full wine bottles at your computer screens, i'd like to take this moment to laugh, mainly at you with your mouths wide open with jaws hitting floors....or carpet.  I am definitely NOT going to talk about the previously stated subject matter....ha ha.  Furthermore, i'm not sure that IS a subject....but I guarantee I wouldn't touch THAT subject with YOUR keyboard.  I hope I made that clear, and i'm sorry if i've offended anyone....nope, wait...no I'm not sorry at all, because nobody comes here expecting anything serious to happen.  If YOU are one of these people, you should go HERE.

But the funny fact is that my main objective was to lure any non-readers and/or those who have never quite made the plunge in to Bullshitter Territory, in here to read my blog.  So thanks for coming suckers!  I would also like to congratulate myself for being one SLY DOG.  I'm looking forward to watching my traffic statistics skyrocket after that one.....and probably getting banned from blogging forever.  I guess I hope it was worth it.....what can ya do?  Probably just what i'm doing....again and again.

So now I have to actually come up with something to talk about, which usually isn't tough.  I could probably just talk about my left foot for awhile. 

If that foot could talk, I tell ya what, he(or she?  I've been told I have a feminine saunter.....ok, i'm lying...fuck off you jokester.  Or should I call you Jokey McJokerson?).  Man, i'm really having trouble focussing right now.  Anyways, back to my foot.  I actually call my feet lefty and bronco....wait, nope, that's not true either.  That's what I call my testicles.  Why did you ask me that question?  Pervert. 

You know what?  You don't even deserve to hear about my left foot if you're going to ask questions like that.  I don't come to where you work and throw rocks at you while you're mowing, so shut up for 5 seconds so everyone else can read about my foot! 

I think it would be fun to just go through a brief pictoral history of my left foot, just some of the times we've had....caught on film.  So follow me on this brief journey, please save all questions for never.

1.  This is my foot, about a week after I was born.  I'll be the first to admit....he's lookin' a little purple.  I'll  contribute that to that fucking dog collar around my ankle being too tight.

2.  Next, this is a photo of what happened the last time somebody asked me a question about my foot.  I actually had to have it surgically removed from a guy's ass....I was laid up for weeks and had to have stitches.

3.  This is a picture from this one time when I had to do some preventative home maintenance while eating a burrito and talking on the phone.  I'd like to take this time to brag about how talented that foot is....*sigh*.  If I could do it differently though, I would have eaten that burritto the previous meal.  We would have never ran into that problem, and I would've avoided a few slivers.

4.  As talented as my left foot is, he's not the friendliest thing ever.  I mean, he can be downright vicious.  One time he got in a verbal discussion with my right foot.  Things just got out of hand, and the prick took the closure of the argument into his own hands......pushy bastard.  They're still not talking.

In the last incident, i'm pretty sure my left foot bit the right one with the mouth he keeps concealed under his big toe nail.  We're lucky we got attention to it immediately, because that mouth doesn't get brushed, and the wound could have become gangrenous. 

So there you have it, the story of my left foot that none of you thought i'd actually do, and if I did you weren't going to read about it....but here we are, reading about it......I'd call you a loser, but I wrote this...and we all know how frickin' awesome I am....so you must be alright too.

That's about enough Tom Foolery for today.

Come back soon~

The Bullshitter

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