THE BULLSHITTER

I'd like to introduce you to the Legend Roger Bon....

You've probably never heard of Roger Bon.  If you had, then you would probably not continue reading this tribute to the man and the legend.  Roger is an overweight caucasion man that lives in southern Nebraska.  If any of you aren't familiar with Nebraska.....i'll give you a quick description.

Nebraska: "a good place to drive through, a crappy place to live.  No mountains, no common sense....home to the term "stompin' boy" due to the fact that logic in decisive situations tends to evade these people.  Lots of guns."

Roger Bon is all of this wrapped into a 300 lb body that is almost too fat to wear clothes, plus cowboy boots and a ten gallon cowboy hat.  Roger has 8 teeth, and 7 fingers.....all of which are on one hand because he lost a bet.  His favorite food is Coors Original, and favorite drink Scotch on the rocks.

If he asks you a question, be patient because he has a stutter and drools a lot.  If he gives you five dollars, don't take it because knowing him he probably stole it from his own kids.....or maybe your kids.  He likes to shoot pool, but sometimes struggles because his belly covers the hole he's aiming at. 

One time Roger ate the "big steak" at murphy's diner and then proceeded to throw up on his wife.....who was also his sister.  They have one kid named Stewart, who has 3 eyes and 1/2 of a nose.  He likes to fly around on his new set of wings he grew last summer at church retreat.  He likes to shoot lollipops out of his ass, the flavor depends on what he ate for breakfast.......it's usually "shit flavored"....i've heard.

Roger's dad's claim to fame is his uncanny ability to get run over by just about anything.  He was almost devoured by a pack of children on tricycles in the "tricycle storm" of '88....which he was able to escape with both of his teeth, and his shoulder growth which resembles Barbara Bush.

Roger drinks for a living.  He's a shot tester at Kelly's Whorehouse.....that's where he met his second wife Jan....who was formerly Dan.  They like to arm wrestle and tell ghost stories, and believe you me, they tell some shitty absolutely not scary ghost stories.

Roger Bon, the man, the legend.  If you ever hit the middle part of Nebraska, you'll begin hearing stories of this friendly fella.  Steer clear of his backside, because he passes flatulance which could make a sturdy mule pass out. 

Roger Bon, Happy Birthday.

from the bullshitter..

Hee-Haw Gifts