THE BULLSHITTER

What am I doing inside and "working" on friday?

Who decided that friday was going to be a workday?  I mean who REALLY works on friday?  I'm not talking about showing up for work.....I mean, actual "nose to the grindstone sell the farm on a friday" work?  Not me.  I'm not even going to lie to you, I don't get a shittin' thing done on this day of the week.  I will go through a typical friday for you.....here goes...

5:45 a.m:  I wake up, hungover, because thursday is pretty much friday for all of us in this fair college town.  Luckily I had a headache that resembled a donkey kicking me in the chops, so I rise out nice and early...and pissed off because my friends "made me drink".  Take a shower, which I don't really remember due to my mental state.....the only reason I KNOW I took one is because my ladyfriend said I smelled good.......I guess she does have a cold though.....whatever.

6:15 a.m:  I get to work and clock in at 6:15 on the dot.  I do "the walk", which I personally named because of how totally F-ing sweet this baby is!!  It's a sort of stumble/stagger/occasional trip/catch myself after the trip/smile because I caught myself and didn't fall/do the electric slide to the beat pounding in my head because i'm so happy that I didn't fall/cartwheel.  I know, it's hard to imagine, but trust me.....if you saw it you'd just spend the rest of your days trying to do it yourself...

6:19 a.m:  I yell "fuck!" at the top of my lungs, because I forgot my keys to get into my office.....but i'm wearing a motorcycle helmet so it sounds more like "flug!"......which is why I have no fear yelling it in the middle of co-workers.

6:30 a.m:  I cruise on back to "The Whore House".....i'm not sure if it's one word or two actually, (is there a whore out there that can help me out here?.....oh, and call me....really), but that's what I call my home.  So I get there, do "the walk", as previously mentioned...up the stairs to my room to do "the search" for my keys.  Now "the search" is something ENTIRELY different than "the walk".  "The search" is where you walk around any given room in circles, attempting to look for the item, but actually you start zoning out and make about 5 laps around the room before you come back to your "senses" and realize that you look like an idiot.  Next, you decide that you need a closer look at the "floor region", so you do the obligatory "drop to the knees and crawl/feel".  The next manuever is tricky.....it's the crawling combination of crawl/feel/hit your head on the table/yell obsceneties/reverse crawl to elude the overhead danger/realize keys are downstairs on the coffee table.

6:45 a.m:  Get back to work with the key.  Realize the door wasn't locked.

6:45-11:45 a.m:  Stare at the wall and contemplate life.......and things and stuff.

11:45 a.m:  Sneak out of office on the clock and go for a motorcycle ride to my house......but I take the long way......and after taking "the long way", I take "a nap".

1:27 p.m:  I get back to work BEFORE 1:30......because who takes lunch past 1:30, slackers!

1:30-4:08:  I go on a "walkabout"....yeah, it's a long one....well, not really long, it's only a quarter mile path, but I take it many many times.  Oh, and I leave at 4:08, because I can call 8 out of 15 minutes, a "quarter" of an hour.

So all in all, fridays kick ass.....because is a "free for all" slacker day, and nobody even gets that mad about it.  I guess they would get mad, but apparently i'm not an integral part of the work "equation" around here....which isn't such a bad thing after all.

Wait, i'm late for my deep thought session......gotsta go!

With kisses to your wives and girlfriends,

The Bullshitter~

I have too much money and need to spend some!