THE BULLSHITTER

Now, for the moment you've all been waiting for.......it's time to get retarded.

1.  "It's more fun to arrive at a conclusion than to justify it." - Macolm Forbes

Take this blog for starters.  Time and time again, we come to rash conclusions about the quandries of life....with little or no regard for the facts.  But it's nice to think that I can run through a thought process that makes little or completely no sense to 75% of anyone who reads this wonderfulness that I call bullshit....because it is precisely that.  I'm fairly confident that I can come to a conclusion using circular, self-sustained, mental bullshit bridge-making tactics to pretty much prove ANYTHING that is thrown at me......for example.....

Question:  Will pigs ever fly?

Answer:  It is my belief that if pigs are meant to fly, they someday will.  Based on the theories provided by Darwin..i.e. survival of the fittest, if a flying pig were a more efficient species, then the evolution will sway that way.  However, personally I don't like the thoughts of pigs flying around, because a.) I don't like pig squeels coming from 10 stories above me.....that's just unnerving....and b.) I don't want to have to take a shotgun with me to catch bacon, too much effort for such an unhealthy (yet tasty) food.....that would be like....fishing for oxygen....and I don't have that kind of time......and I don't even have a fishing license right now.....

So there ya go, such beautiful conclusions with zero justification whatsoever.....and you just love it don't ya?

2.  "You can't get ahead while you're getting even" - Dick Armey

Dick Armey probably knows how to hold his own in a vicious cock fight.....I mean seriously, pretty much every formal name reading he went to went like this......."Armey, Dick".  I don't know anyone who wouldn't make fun of that.....yes, I hang out with assholes, but still.  However, I am yet jealous of Mr. Armey.  How macho would you feel if you were called "army dick".  That to me, sounds like a guy who can put up quite the battle in the bedroom......eh ladies?  How quickly would curiosity dissolve your morals if you were introduced to "the fella they call army dick".  It's WAY better than "marine dick", or "coast guard dick"......ok then....

Theoretically, in the "whiney, nice-guy that's goin' places" way, (like army dick over there), this quote is boringly true.  But let's try reality out for size....

Let's just say that some guy steals your girlfriend.  You're pissed right?  (c'mon, don't lie, I KNOW you're pissed off, especially since he's some meat-head with a small penis).  Turns out your softball team is playing his tonight, and he's pitching.  Bases are loaded, and it's your turn to bat......ya with me?  Would you rather hit a line drive and bring in a few RBI's (because clearly a homerun is out of the question with your girlish frame), or would you rather hit the ball straight into his girlfriend-stealing face?

That's what I thought.  And that's why I dissagree with ole' army dick...you witty little man!

3.  "The ballot is stronger than the bullet" - Abraham Lincoln

I guess it depends who you're talking about Abe.  Because if you only knew the cruel irony of this statement at the time of your existence, you'd probably write this quote on a ballot, and shoot the shit out of it for completely contradicting your existence.  So I guess all I really have to say is....I like the way your thinking, but I feel badly solely for you.....for saying it out loud......

That's about all for today, i'm tired and need to take a screamer~

But now that I think about it....if anyone thinks they're pretty sneaky/sly/witty/funny.....leave me something completely asinine to test out my "topic conclusion abilities".  I guarantee, if you leave me a question that needs to be answered, not only will I answer it, but it will make sense.....to me.

Bring it!  The bullshitter......God Bless Abe Lincoln