THE BULLSHITTER

In case you're not familiar with "The Bullshitter".  We take a few quotes of wisdom, and then analyze them through the mastered art of bullshit and other smart-ass tactics......on that note~

Today's Wisdom & Bullshit reflection upon it:  (Thanks to www.wisdomtoday.com)

1.  "Don't let yesterday use up too much of today" - Will Rogers 

Personally, i'm already tired of today using up too much of today.  I almost have to go back and think about yesterday just to get to the good part of today.....which would probably be tonight I guess?  But if I spend most of today thinking about yesterday, what the hell was I doing yesterday?  I guess the obvious answer would be "You were thinking about the day before yesterday....ha ha ha".  If you were thinking that, shut up immediately.....because you think you're quick, but you areN'T!  Because if I was thinking about yesterday today, and I was thinking about the day before yesterday, yesterday and so on and so forth smart guy.....what the hell was I thinking about on day 1?  Get back to me on that, and if it's stupid, i'll let you know.

2.  "When you reach for the stars, you might not get one, but you won't come up with a hand full of mud either" - Leo Burnett

I guess the inverse of this would be "if you reach for a handful of mud, you won't come up with a star"?  If you reach for a beer you will probably wind up with happiness, and after many-a-handful of happiness.....you will end up with too much happiness, and a fistful of hangover.....which may lead to mud. (I'm not going to detail this last comment.  If you have the same mindset as me, you will probably say "ick", and if you don't, you will remain oblivious to this fact of life....okay then!). 

I reached for a golfball and ended up with a fistful of mud once.....ok, maybe more than once, but not because i'm a shitty golfer......it's because......I um......er.....am..........a shitty golfer.....

3.  "We forfeit 3/4 of our lives to be like other people" - Arthur Shopenhaur

I forfeit 3/4 of my life making others wish they weren't born....or at least born on the same day as me.  But let's be honest....what would you do with the other 3/4 of your life if you didn't do this?  You'd probably be one of those little spikey-haired, chain-toting, gothic freaks who spend 3/4 of their lives trying to be like nobody.  Of course, these little butt-pirates just end up realizing (3/4 of their lives later), that they tried so hard to be like nobody, they ended up being like everyone.  I know, that's a little deep for the scope of this conversation, and you probably have a headache now.....so why don't you stand up and walk it off. 

Maybe i'll spend the remaining 1/4 of my life (I say 1/4 because i'm 22, and due to my ways, anything past 30 is a suprise) throwing rocks at the gothic people.  "That's not nice" some of you are saying.....and to you that are saying that, i'm going to say "Eat my ass with a two ton spatula Nicey McNicerson".  But SERIOUSLY, i probably won't, because these kids (under stereotypical circumstances) are the ones who end up being President of the "school shooting club". 

"Kids......ya gotta love 'em......you GOTTA love 'em......or they'll shoot ya" - Harland Williams

So I just threw in a quote to analyze a quote.......I hope you're happy.

4.  "Maybe this is another planet's hell" - Aldous Huxley

C'mon Aldous.....it's all relative.  Maybe this is another planet's heaven......or another baker's donut for that matter.  Let's just say you are correct, and this IS another planet's hell......who's in charge?  If George W. is in charge, I guess I can laugh at the concept of hell......or have one "hell of a laugh" if you may?  (no pun intended).  But then again, if this is another planet's hell.....and hell is notorious for being deceptive, then the obvious GWB is probably in fact NOT in charge.  So now i'm going to keep my eye on the most likely deceptive devilish candidates that you wouldn't realize to be....um......can you say "run on sentence that is going nowhere" 10 times fast?  To the list....

Martha Stewart, Liza Minelli, Shrek, Don Quijoti de la mancha, and last but not least: God (that would throw ya off wouldn't it?).  And really, what do you know.....maybe i'm satan?  That's a tall order, but i'll probably spend 3/4 of my life trying to pretend I am.....

Comments?  Questions?  Insults?  Try me.......

You've been bullshitted.