THE BULLSHITTER

The completely fabricated truth guide.

2005/4/1

Question of the Week: "Do you wipe sitting or standing?"

@ 01:39 PM (56 months, 18 days ago)

This is a loaded question my friend, because it is very circumstantial to say the least.  Though by the norm, I’m a “sit-n-wipe” kinda guy, I probably can muster up a few instances when the “stand-n-wipe” would be necessary, though uncomfortable and awkward.  Say, if you happen to be sitting on a toilet that is flooding, you have no choice but to stand and wipe, or run and wipe, which is beyond the scope of this discussion.   Or in the situation of “shitting in the woods”, because clearly there is no place to sit and wipe comfortably in the woods, just ask the bears.  And of course you can’t count out the dangers of the “drunken stand-n-wipe”.  The likelihood of the sway and swagger, or the “stand up too fast and pass out”, causing a fall and the ultimate destruction of anything surrounding the place of fecal discard, (not to mention the chances of ruining your favorite pair of slacks) is extremely risky.  Therefore, in conclusion, if choice be mine, I definitely prefer the safer, more stable and less awkward “sit-n-wipe”.

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